God Math is Complicated

Inside my camel-colored leather wallet made by Rachel Cruze (yes, debt-free Dave Ramsey’s daughter), you will find tucked in behind the budget envelope system section and the zipper change pouch a check stub from my kids' private school. I have kept this for years as my very own memorial to the Lord that every time I see it I am reminded of His faithfulness to provide.   

You know, kinda like the 12 stones of remembrance at Gilgal. Joshua had asked that twelve men, one out of every tribe, take a stone and pile it where they would camp that night. These stones would serve as a reminder to them and future generations of the miraculous crossing of the Jordan. Joshua said to the Israelites in Joshua 4:21-24, “And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, this he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever.”   

So, the check stone…I mean check stub is my stone of remembrance recounting the way our family experienced the miraculous provision of God in our lives.   

The private school my children attend can be costly but well worth the tuition investment to be afforded a Christ-centered education. When it came time for our daughter to start kindergarten, it was the first year that the state had opened up the possibility for a tuition-funded scholarship for lower-income families to private schools of which we thought we would meet the stipulations (hello SAHM, single-income family, and 4 kids all under 5 years of age). The paperwork was filed, and we waited but no answer came. We still felt confident that the Lord would provide but the scholarship was not guaranteed. So, we set up a payment plan while we waited. It was almost as if we were setting up a savings account with the school that once the grant was approved and the state paid the school they would return the money we had been “depositing” all along back to us, OR if that was not the way the Lord provided, then we would be caught up on payments, in good standing with the school, and good stewards of money.   

Month after month, I would write checks with no answer on the grant. This was something that everyone in the house was praying about together. The kids all knew this was an important ask we were making of the Lord to provide this support financially. I also found myself doubting at times and even having to train the kids to think of other ways that God might come through, and however He chose to answer, we can trust Him to provide. For instance, God could have used our family, who would have helped us if we needed it, or even if we were denied assistance, we were not suffering, and though the budget was tighter, we were still able to make each tuition payment as we waited to hear on the scholarship.   

We were well into November at this point, and I had pretty much given up on this coming to pass through this grant. I recall crying and specifically pleading with God in prayer, probably angry-like, saying to Him, “Don’t you see me? Your word says that if we seek you and ask, you will give us what we ask for. Don’t you see me?”   

He sees. My phone rang about 20 minutes after this prayer meeting with Jesus that very morning. The caller ID displayed the school’s name and the school’s bookkeeper was on the phone when I answered. She had been praying for us too and had asked if she could share the news with me that we had just been approved for the full tuition, and she would reimburse me for the payments we had already made at school pick-up that day. I cried. I thanked her and God for seeing me and knowing better. It was also the week of Thanksgiving break, and I would now have some extra money to use for black Friday shopping for Christmas gifts.   

God knew and saw all along. His ways are always better. He was refining our faith as a family as we prayed. He was instilling the desire to ask Him over and over until He answers. He had the perfect timing to allow me to create a Christmas savings account that year by being consistent with monthly tuition payments that were reimbursed right when He saw fit. God’s math, God’s currency, and God’s timing are not explainable to the human mind or thoughts. 

I took the check and cashed it. Typically, I would just trash the check stub, but as I held it in my hands, I thought, “I want to keep this.” I wanted to remember how taken care of and seen and provided for I felt as I experienced the faithfulness of God through this answered prayer. Like the 12 stones and the sons and daughters who would ask about what had happened at the spot in Gilgal, I also tucked in my wallet the check stub that has remained the memorial for which I turn to and recall and recount the ways the Lord provides. Not every story ends like this. Not every 20 minutes after we pray does the phone ring, but I can tell you God still sees. When we face times of delay or my faith is waning, frustrated, wondering how God will provide, I can count on that check stub to remind me that there is none other than God in whom I want to place my trust!