Something embedded in the human heart desires love that goes to someone and is equally received by someone; that is reciprocal love. That desire comes from understanding how a relationship works, a quality of connection, and being valued by someone you value. Sadly, people use people. Love can often turn into or falsely be manipulation, lust, control, envy, or jealousy.  

To understand love, we must begin with pure love, God’s love. God displayed his love by dying for those who would believe in him. Those who had desires that were not desired by God, in fact, our desires were in opposition to God’s desires. We chased after what was most important to us; the Bible clarifies this by saying we were enemies of God (Rom 5:10). 

God’s love on the cross was not reciprocal. How could it be? It would only be by the pursuit of His enemies with love that Jesus would rescue us from our rebellion against Him. Love was purely one-sided. The ultimate expression of love is that Jesus Christ gave His life for those who didn’t want His love, which Jesus gave through sacrifice.  

Now look at reciprocal love. Reciprocal love is the mutual exchange of love between two people. Here’s the question that I’m pondering. Do we place too much emphasis on reciprocal love and not enough on sacrificial love?  

Reciprocal love is dangerous in many ways to what believers are called to. Believers are called to the same type of love that Jesus has. Believers are called to love deeply, sacrificially, and personally. Too often, I have placed too much emphasis on reciprocal love and not enough on sacrificial love.  I have expected someone to love with the same measure of love I have for them. They should do it in the same manner and quality that is always in my best interest. I have found that to be an allure that has left me bitter towards those whom the exact weight of love isn’t enjoyed.  

Do mothers love sacrificially? What about dads who break their bodies to earn a living to put food on the table for their children? Is love reciprocal as diapers are being changed or those sleepless nights of caring for an ill child? No, love is sacrificial before it can genuinely be reciprocal.  

Love is to be sacrificial. In sacrificial love, reciprocal love will come. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we are enabled to love as Christ loves us, even when it seems so difficult. As we love others, God will place people who will love us in our lives. Unfortunately, it might not be reciprocal from those we hoped it would be.  

In sacrificial love, we serve others as Christ served us. We demonstrated God’s character. We deepen our quality of love and strengthen our dependency on God for strength to love even when it's complicated.  

Women not feeling loved by their husbands need to know that by loving sacrificially, even when they are not being loved, in return, they honor the Lord.  Fathers who work to feed and clothe their families and whose efforts are not honored need to know that their sacrificial love is godly. A boss whose workers take advantage of them and who works hard so that they can earn a living honors God. An employee that isn't seen by their boss and puts in a full days work for a full days pay, who loves to help and aid their company honors the Lord. 

When I only love when it's reciprocal, it speaks to selfishness. When I love sacrificially, it proclaims a condition of the heart that the sacrificial love of God has marked on your heart. The person who only loves reciprocally doesn’t understand or isn’t following that God loved sacrificially first and that love became reciprocal through his love for us, and we loved in return.  

Let us leave behind the allure to love just through reciprocal love. We should love and lead with sacrificial love and allow that act of service to build deeper and more meaningful relationships that are reciprocal in love.